Understanding Grief Therapy: Healing from Loss and Traumatic Grief

Grief is a universal experience, but the journey through it is highly individual. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or another life-altering event, grief touches us all in deeply personal ways. For some, grief is an expected part of life, while for others, it may take on a more traumatic form, disrupting daily life in unexpected ways. If you’re looking for grief support, in my private practice, I offer grief therapy to help individuals navigate their unique paths to healing.

What Is Grief Therapy?

Grief therapy is a form of counselling designed to support those dealing with the emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical effects of loss. The goal of grief therapy is not to eliminate grief but to help individuals process their emotions, understand their experience, and find ways to move forward while still honouring their loss.

Grief is not a single, linear process; it can ebb and flow, sometimes feeling overwhelming and at other times more manageable. It can resurface in different ways as life changes. Therapy provides a safe space to explore these emotions, understand their complexity, and work toward finding peace.

Traumatic Grief: When Grief Feels Unbearable

While grief in any form can be difficult, traumatic grief occurs when a loss is sudden, unexpected, or violent. This type of grief can result in a deeper sense of shock and emotional paralysis, often leaving individuals feeling disconnected from themselves and the world around them. Traumatic grief may also include elements of post-traumatic stress injuries (PTSIs) or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as flashbacks, nightmares, and heightened anxiety.

In cases of traumatic grief, therapy is especially important. The trauma element adds an additional layer of complexity to the grieving process, and a therapeutic approach can help individuals untangle the trauma from the grief, allowing them to process each aspect in its own time.

Theoretical Approaches to Grief

Different models of grief can offer guidance on how individuals experience and process loss. While many often cite Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969) original conception of the Five Stages of Grief as one common way to understand the process that happens after losing a loved one, Kübler-Ross was clear that her stages were relevant only to those coming to terms with their own impending death and is shown to be misguided in the application to the death of a loved one or significant loss (Stroebe, Schut, & Boerner, 2017).

When we have lost a loved one, another model for understanding the grief process may be more relevant: The Four Phases of Grief, proposed by British psychiatrists John Bowlby and Colin Murray Parkes. Two key approaches I use in my practice are Bowlby and Parkes’ four stages of grief and Wolfelt’s six tasks of grieving. Each provides a framework for understanding the grieving process, though they emphasize different aspects of how we cope with and heal from loss.

Bowlby and Parkes’ Four Stages of Grief

This approach is rooted in attachment theory and focuses on the emotional responses to the loss of a loved one. According to Bowlby and Parkes (1980), the grieving process occurs in four stages:

1. Numbness: The initial shock and disbelief following a loss, during which emotions may feel muted or absent.

2. Yearning and Searching: The bereaved may long for the presence of the lost loved one, often experiencing waves of intense grief and sorrow.

3. Disorganization and Despair: This stage involves feelings of hopelessness, confusion, and disorientation as individuals adjust to life without the person they’ve lost.

4. Reorganization: Over time, the individual begins to adjust to life in a new way, finding ways to live meaningfully while carrying their loss with them.

This model is especially relevant when exploring how attachment to the deceased impacts the grieving process. For those dealing with traumatic grief, these stages can be complicated by the overwhelming nature of the trauma itself. Therapy can help process both the shock of loss and the ongoing emotional disorganization that trauma often brings.

Wolfelt’s Six Tasks of Grieving

Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s six tasks of grieving (Wolfelt, 2004) offers a more active, task-based approach to the grief process. Rather than moving through stages, Wolfelt’s model encourages individuals to engage with their grief in a way that fosters growth and healing. The six tasks are:

1. Acknowledge the reality of the death: Facing the truth of the loss, which can be particularly difficult in cases of traumatic grief.

2. Embrace the pain of the loss: Allowing oneself to feel the full extent of the grief rather than avoiding or suppressing it.

3. Remember the person who died: Finding ways to honor and maintain a connection to the deceased.

4. Develop a new self-identity: Recognizing the ways in which the loss changes one’s sense of self and life roles.

5. Search for meaning: Reflecting on how the loss fits into the larger picture of life and what can be learned from it.

6. Let others help you—now and always: Seeking and accepting support from others, both during the immediate grieving process and throughout life.

Wolfelt’s model is particularly useful for those struggling to move forward or feeling “stuck” in their grief. It offers a path that integrates both the emotional and practical aspects of grieving, making it a helpful guide in navigating traumatic grief.

Finding the Right Path Forward

No matter which model best fits your experience, the most important aspect of grief therapy is creating a space where you can process loss in a way that feels true to you. Whether you’re dealing with a more traditional form of grief or a more complex, traumatic loss, therapy offers a compassionate, supportive environment for healing.

If you’re experiencing grief or traumatic grief, reaching out for help can be a significant step toward finding relief and meaning. Together, we can explore your grief, honour your loss, and work toward a sense of peace in your new reality.

If you’re struggling with grief or would like to learn more about how grief therapy can help, I invite you to contact me at my private practice in Squamish, BC. Healing is possible, even in the midst of profound loss and in our darkest moments.

References and Grief Resources:

• Bowlby, J., & Parkes, C. M. (1980). Attachment and Loss: Volume III. Loss, Sadness, and Depression. Basic Books.

• Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. New York: Macmillan Publishing Company

• Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief. OMEGA - Journal of Death and Dying, 74(4), 455-473. https://doi.org/10.1177/0030222817691870

• Wolfelt, A. D. (2004). Understanding your grief: Ten essential touchstones for finding hope and healing your heart. Companion Press.